This is my first video entry. Brian had just given me the camera and as you can see I have a lot of learning to do, especially about sound interference. This is going to fun, but a little scary. Before surgery, I never would have considered myself as someone who would do a video blog.
I have to daily work on making good food choices. When I am stressed food has always been what I have turned to for comfort. I never realized how much until my band. I have had two adjustments and currently have about 4ml in my band. I feel the restriction when I am making good healthy food choices, but as you know, when emotionally eating, it is not the healthy food we crave.
There are so many thoughts and books about emotional eating. But usually about a third of the way through the book, I am even more emotional or stressed. I think the philosophy I am going to work with is alternative releases of emotions. Obviously crying is not the best one, which I find myself doing more of. I am going to focus on quilting which I love and may even try to throw in a little exercise. You know they say that these activities can release some of the good hormones that make you feel good. I am going to give it a try.
4/14
I have been a wild woman out of control since 4/10/09 and my weight is up. Friday, Saturday and Sunday it felt as if I had no band in place. I could eat anything I wanted and I did. I also grazed on jelly beans and chocolate. It was hard this weekend (Easter). I really wasn’t hungry, but I wanted food. This was the first time a lot of my family had seen me since my surgery so I was receiving all kinds of compliments. I am not sure what I was thinking. Part of me thinks I got overconfident and thought I wouldn’t have to work so hard and the band would do the work. Boy did I find out in a hurry that is not the case. I have been here before. This seems like the point where I always get stuck when I am trying to change my eating behavior. I am so controlled for about 6-8 weeks then it all breaks loose. I totally lose all control. Not just in my eating, but in other areas of my life as well. I am frustrated and disappointed in myself for letting this happen. Goals to help regain control:
1. pray
2. journal
3. exercise
4. drink the water
5. plan meals
6. eat solid food
Pam Herman, bariatric nurse coordinator for Community Health Network Bariatric Services, underwent gastric banding surgery on March 6, 2009. In this blog, Pam shares her feelings and experiences before the procedure, and as she continues to lose weight.
4/8/09
Today is my 48th birthday. I am not concerned with the number because I feel I am starting this year off on the right track. This will be my healthiest since my early twenties. My sugars and blood pressure are both under control with diet; my body feels better. I am still working on wrapping my mind around all the stuff going on. I am very grateful for the preparation I placed into getting this surgery. There have been many changes taking place in my life. My old habit would be to eat away the frustration. Usually with a very large burger and some fries. The weird thing is that I still want these things. I just know I can’t have them because they will make me miserable for hours. That is the advantage of the surgery. But it is still difficult. I find myself being more emotional and displaying these feelings more. Is it because I can no longer stuff them with food? Is it grieving over the loss of food along with the other losses and changes that are taking place? I think it is all of the above. The roller coaster of emotions is so much more then I thought it would be even though I was prepared for it and had some coping options in place. I cannot imagine going through this process without preparation and practicing the lifestyle changes that are necessary to be successful with this surgery.
4/3/09
Four weeks LapBand surgery post op. I am not taking my blood pressure any more. I am not taking my diabetic medicine any more, and the levels are in a normal range. This is the best news. I am feeling good. My weight loss since the surgery is 17.2 pounds and since I started my pre-op diet I have lost 32.6 pounds.
Bariatric surgery is not easy or for the weak. I think because I am in the field I have a “bypass” mentality. I should only be eating 2 ounces per meal, thus the freak out yesterday.
I am working on trying to get away from the constant thought of food and weight. This is a double-edged sword though because I need to journal thoughts and intake to keep me accountable. History shows me when I don’t do this, I don’t do well. Keeping food logs keeps me honest about what I am eating. I wish I could have constant thought (and action) about exercise. I have set a goal for myself to get on the treadmill this weekend and back to my “Fit to Fitter” class here at the bariatric center.
I feel like I am over the drama (especially mine) and upset of Dr. Ditslear leaving our program. I will miss Dr. Ditslear so much, but am thrilled to be able to work more with Dr. Berghoff and looking forward to how he can help us continue to move the program forward.
4/2/09
Yippee! Today is solid food day per the dietitian. I am a little nervous. Solid food does not mean fast food. McDonald’s is my weakness and I must, must stay away from that place. There is nothing of nutritional value in there. I do not know many people who go to McDonald’s for the salad.
I had a chicken breast for lunch. It was dry and stuffed with raisins, walnuts and a little stuffing. I was able to eat two-thirds of it and of course this started the freak out mode. Actually how much could I eat to get back the tight feeling? The good news is that the chicken breast stayed with me for hours. I did not get home until 7:30 tonight and for dinner could only eat a half cup of chicken salad and baked potato.
OK Pam, calm down, measure your food and listen to what your body tells you.
3/26/09
I cannot believe it has been nearly 3 weeks. My weight loss to this point has been awesome. The hardest part to this point has been the last week of full liquids when all I wanted to do is chew, chew and chew some more.
Sometimes being a nurse is not a helpful thing, especially a bariatric nurse during this process. Every ache or gas pain I am sure is a band slip or a heart attack. Any sudden pinch or jab I was sure was the band popping open and damaging all my internal organs even though I know this does not happen. But as the aches, pinches and jabs subside, these crazy thoughts are going with them.
Several people have seen the Indianapolis Woman magazine article about my surgery and that they will be following my progress. This is very flattering, but it is also a lot of pressure. I know I can lose weight. I am very good at losing weight. I have done it many times. The hard part, and the part I am anxious about is reaching my goal and maintaining that goal past a couple of months. My normal pattern is to go great guns on a diet for three months then fall off the wagon. That is why the band was necessary for me. It will help me through those trouble spots.
I am pretty much eating the same thing everyday. There is not much puree that I like. I did step out last night and had Taco Bell pintos & beans. I am usually not a big bean fan, but these were really good and the perfect amount.
3/23/09
I have been a raving lunatic and a major grump! I am going to work on my attitude. I don’t know if I am grumpy because I am grieving the loss of junk food, choice of portion size or it is just plain work stress with the changes that have happened here in the last week. Most likely it is a combination of all of the above.
One minute you ask me and I tell you that this is really easy, a piece of cake. Then ask me again a minute later and it is really hard. I realize that change takes several months and I am in the early stages. This is a process and I can do it!!!
3/13/09
I am one week post-op feeling good. Still tired by the end of the day, but overall see improvement every day. My goal today was to try to get in everything that I was supposed to. I did not do too badly. I do not feel the tightness like I did the first couple of days. Here’s the crazy part: I am now nervous because it is not as tight. Now I can eat more, will this keep increasing? I am at 72 ounces, 40 of which are water. The dietitian says I am fine and still eating less then the average band patient. I keep having a bypass diet in my mind. I need to get over that.
